It's Evident

Don’t know if seeing you today is coincidence.
But again seeing the smile on your face…it’s evident.
At night, I twist and turn with you in my dreams.
In times of trouble, on your shoulders I want to lean.
The way thoughts of you make my heart race,
I often wonder if you’re bad for my health.
It still remains that when we parted, I took my last breath.
I wish there was a way for you to see my heart
So it can tell you how it’s in need for a jumpstart,
Tell you how it hasn’t lived since you’ve been gone,
Tell you how it can’t stand listening to love songs.
Your touch, I miss.
Your smell, I miss.
Your kiss, I miss.
Your arms, I miss.
Your everything, I miss.
I’m trying to hold back the tears,
But they’re just flooding me on the inside;
Because I again feel the power of my compass, of my guide.
I swear I don’t know if see you today is coincidence,
But as I see your beautiful smile again, it’s evident…
I’m still in love with you.

No Reason

Drowning deep in my pain.
Losing my mind. Think I’m going insane.
Stomped over her heart. Pushed her out the door.
I can search forever…will never find her no more.
Only have to look in the mirror for the blame.
Shouldn’t have reacted by calling her that name.
To her feelings, I send my condolences.
Have to man-up and face the consequences.
Tried to control everything, making no concessions.
I was wrong…but it’s too late for that confession.
Reality was realized with the slamming of the door.
She drove off when I reached for the car door.
Wanted to simply apologize.
Told her I would fulfill all her dreams and I lied.
Did nothing to achieve that feat.

When she opened her heart, I thought it was some bull.
I’ve lost my treasure. Now I look like the fool.
Told me I was becoming diluted.
I never listened, only disputed.
Now, I see that she’s right.
Only when it’s over do I have sense enough to fight.
She begged me to fight time and time again.
Knew I was losing her. Was only concerned with my own anguish.
She was bruised and battered. Her spirit was defeated.
Said my love was unconditional, but it was limited.
She pulled away…becoming shy and timid.
Why did I get the disease called complacency?
Why did I stop treating her like a delicacy?
Stopped doing right, being careful.
Became nothing but her emotional abuser.
Forgot the reason we came here for.
Gave what I thought was all I could give
But she wanted, needed more.
Her smile was nothing but a façade,
Covering how she was dying inside.
Never stopped her weeping.
Even when she knew there was no hope, she kept believing.
Caused her feelings to go into recession.
I refused to not be blind and made no intercession,
Further pushing her away.
Gave her no reason to work things out, to stay.

My Renaissance

I can count the friends I’ve lost.
Endless nights I tossed.
I’ve been beaten down, suffered the consequence.
Now I’m changing…going through a Renaissance.
All those times I suffered pain and hurt,
You would have thought I was suffering from a curse.
I got blind and could not see.
No matter how bright, it was always dark.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t generate that jumpstart.
I allowed myself to be used.
Even withstood much abuse.
Times I thought were good, they were nothing like that.
My own family even stabbed me in the back.
I wasn’t living no more.
I was hollow at my core.
Hatred started to seep in.
Thought I had fallen off the deep end.
In spring, my flowers never bloomed.
Over my life, a dark cloud constantly loomed.

‘What do I do?’ was my cry.
How to turn it around? I just turned it over to Christ.
By not initially turning it over to Him, I was wrong.
I didn’t realize that at my weakest, that’s when He’s strong.
He picked me up, turned me around, gave me the vision & strength to carry on.
All my wrongs, He made right.
All my battles, He put up the fight.
All I had to do was turn it over.
And at that moment, He had me covered.
Never quite been the same.
My sun now shines, no matter if it rains.
Satan, had to get far behind.
Though he tries to seek me, God won’t let him find.
I used to think that conquering life was about money and having a big name.
But, it’s in His book where I want my name.
Many friends I have lost.
Endless nights I tossed.
I’ve been at my lowest, suffered the consequence.
Now I’m changing, after taking hold of God, going through my Renaissance.

No Matter

When I close my eyes, you’re my fantasy…
Unveiling the kid in me, you’re my nursery rhyme.
Something so beautiful as you, I can’t believe it.
I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve all of this.
Do I love you? My answer never hesitates.
Just being in your presence throws me off, making my heart palpitate.
I feel as if I’m in another world.
My cares aren’t cares no more.
My worries aren’t worries no more.
You’re my calm, my serenity.
Now that I have you, nothing else even matters to me.

No matter where you may be,
Near or far, I will always hear your heart beat.
Nothing can deny this connection.
There are no doubts, no questions.
No playing games. Love is the only impression.
When you entered my life it was
Something different that you added because
I’ve never had one like you before.
Never had anyone that made my knee want to hit the floor,
And confirm this love we have forever more.
Now you encompass my whole atmosphere.
You soothe my fears…making this man feel secure.
Keep loving me totally.
I’ve never been in this place emotionally.
How I feel for you is exceptionally
Deep, going deeper than the deepest depths.
I’ll love you til I have nothing left

No matter where you may be,
Near or far, I will always hear your heart beat
Because your heart is right here with me.
You put it in the palm of my hand when we were last near.
A kissed sealed the fact that it was now mine.
And as flowers bloom under spring’s sunshine,
You have made me blossom.
I thought I knew what love was all about,
But no matter who was in my life, I still had doubts.
Then you stepped out of heaven and walked through my door.
At that moment, my cocoon was bore.
The more you loved me, the more I went through my metamorphosis.
The more you cared, the more it made me want to fly.
The moment you put your heart in my hand,
I completed my transformation from caterpillar to butterfly.

Now my head is in the stratosphere, reaching new heights.
Initially, I didn’t let you in. Now, I no longer fight
The power of our fusion.
I let it enter and use
Me to be the man I always dreamed of being.
From infrastructure to amazing structure, I have been renewed.
My journey is complete now that I have you.

Has Been

I never knew it was an issue or up for question
About us and a relationship when I only want you for first impression,
Being that carnal things were the premise.
Don’t start getting emotional,
Saying you want it to be more than physical.
Yeah, you’re cool and all.
Thing is, for you, I’ll never fall
For, because I only see you for what you have been.
You say you want something real
And what you’ve been…you feel ashamed.
But I only want you for the game
In which we've been engaged.
You come over. We do our thing.
No strings attached. Then you leave.
Never have I wanted you more.
I want nothing more than the revolving door
That has always been.
If you want it no more, then we can be ‘has been’.

How is it for so long, you present yourself as a whore
And then think that I adore
And want to have you levels above our story?
Don’t mean to sound so cruel.
Can do nothing but tell the truth.
No, I’m not wrong for not wanting things to change.
Look in the mirror. You’re the one to blame.
Approached me with what you had in mind.
Said what you wanted wasn’t my mind.
So don’t try to change the game.
It’s not my fault you suddenly want your life to change.
If we can’t continue like we have been,
Then we’re basically a ‘has been.’

Free

I’m tired. I need some rest.
Tired from running, trying to keep up with the rest.
Never do I feel appreciated.
I do all I can to upgrade, but always get depreciated.
I strive at all times to do right, but always do wrong.
Everyday, I hear the same stale song.
I get accused of not wanting to take responsibility.
I get accused of not being ‘what I should be’.
I'm not any good. So I guess I’m all bad.
Society always wants me to work blue collar,
Watering down my working worth of ever working white collar.
I can’t go out for being profiled.
The wrong route…why do I walk that mile?
Am I not steered that way?
I’m doubted before I can be proven.
Even when I think I’m making progress, I’m losing.
They wonder why I’m always stressed, always mad.
When you face constant scrutiny, how can you be glad?

I can’t even feel free
Because I gotta worry about my next worry.
What is the fun in it?
What can be done to break through it?
My girl says I don’t have the ability to be emotional.
If she only knew, I’m on the brink of a breakdown that’s emotional.
I feel; but if I show it, then I’m weak.
If I don’t show it, then I’m hard to be with.
Yes, I hurt and I cry.
It’s just a thing I have to reserve to do in private.
But yet, I’m told to be a man about it.
What the hell does that mean?
You want this, want that. You make it tough.
I give it, but it’s never enough.
I’ve tried and tried to fit this manly perception.
And all it has done is made me realize that it’s just a misconception.
I’m questioned.
I’m diluted.
I’m made out to be absolutely nothing.
No matter what, it doesn’t change.
I have to constantly face the storm and the rain.

So if you were in my shoes,
What direction would you choose?
Since you know so much and tell me what I can’t,
What is a real man?
That is the question I had to ask myself
Because I had to find myself.
I had gotten lost trying to fit what people thought I should be.
I’m not Superman! I’m just me!
All I can do is me.
All I can be is me.
Why can’t this be accepting?
I’m not running from responsibility.
I embrace it because I know my abilities.
But my responsibilities are not to fulfill what you think.
My job is to be my family’s link,
To be a strong figure in the community,
To be a father to my kids,
To provide a life for them better than this.
And you want me to lighten up?
How can I even look up
When you are constantly tearing me down?
Stop suffocating me.
When I can freely be me,
Then I can finally be free.

The Ring

I saw it,
But I ignored it.
We were just out having some fun.
I was out with my boys.
She was out with her girls.
I was looking for her to tell her
Something sweet. And as I looked across the club,
I saw him give her a simple hug.
It was an ex of hers,
But I paid it no mind because I’m secure.
I wanted to make her smile
So I went and whispered in her ear, ‘Without you, I have no life.”
Her face became red as I told her, ‘I always want to be your man.’
A slow jam played, and I held her close as we danced.
Then she and her crew left to go get something to eat…so they said.
So when I got home, why did I find her and her ex in my bed?

As my mind was in rewind,
Before she left the club, she told me, ‘I love you’, followed by a kiss. Was that to make me blind?
I trusted her fully.
I didn’t ever think she would do this to me.
I could go on and on about how good I was.
It doesn’t mean anything because
How can you just mangle a heart that way?
How can morals be so easily thrown away?
Plenty times, I could have done the same…never did it.
I have had many temptations. Did I do them? I didn’t.
I thought back to what I had told her earlier.
I had gotten so mad that I could’ve choked her.
Going off was gonna do what?
She made it obvious she didn’t give a f*ck.
Could I have beaten him? Yes, I could’ve.
But let’s be real…the onus is on her.
He could only do what she allowed him to do.
It was apparent that what happened is what she wanted to do.

In my bed, my world became so thin.
I guess now I have to take back the ring
That I had bought on yesterday to propose to her on this night.
Tonight was supposed be a night full of dreams come true, not my fright night.
Every carat symbolized the years we’d been together…which was five.
What I said to her earlier this night foreshadowed what would be confirmed on this night.
When I saw it,
Maybe shouldn’t have ignored it.
When I saw it,
Maybe I should have asked her about it.
Hindsight is always 20/20…so who knows?
It was bound to happen…I supposed.
I wish I knew how to get up.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t because my body is numb
From the effects of being left in the cold.
I don’t know what else to say. I’m stunned.
Before I stepped out and bought that ring, I wish I had known.

Having You

I’ve watched you for so long,
Wanting to have you here, holding you in these arms.
Never said a word. Never said how I felt.
Never opened my mouth from being too shy.
When I saw you under night’s light,
I was stripped of my air; just had to talk to you on this night.
Please forgive me because I usually don’t do this.
I’m feeling uncomfortable, but you’re worth stepping out of my environment.
Before I go on, I want to tell you I’m no player.
I don’t have so-called game or one-liners.
Outside of the norm, I have manners.

As I look into yours eyes,
I’m starting to unravel,
Starting to become uncovered,
Unable to hide all that is within me.
I’ve waited so long for this chance,
Hoping to make you my life’s slow dance.
Never thought that I could be your kind of guy
Because you deserve one who can give you, show you the world…
One who can provide you with all your wonders.
After many crazy situations and after failed relationships,
I decided to stop selling myself short
And come to you so you can stop selling yourself short.
Creating something so powerful between us.
Something of substance, something we can trust.

A whisper in your ear to make you giddy, make you ooze
Characteristics of true happiness that exudes
Sincerity to the heart…something smooth,
Warm to the soul…causing you to smile involuntarily.
Tell you that you’re extraordinarily
Perfection in my eyes. Give me your heart, your soul.
Reveal depths no one else knows.
I’ll wipe the tears from your cries…
No sheep’s clothing….nothing disguised.
I’m acting on raw emotion.
No words left unsaid, everything out in the open.
I refuse to walk away, leaving
Without your hand in mine.
I know it’s spontaneous and sounds crazy, but it just feels so right.
Let’s fall in love for the first time.
No more playing. No more going in circles.
No more ups and downs. No more roller coasters.
The chemistry is intrinsic.
Promise you it’s worth it.

Though you’re not looking, you want it too…
Wanting to satisfy love’s hunger deep inside of you,
Needing to be set on fire by passion,
Wanting to feel safe & experience compassion.
You had been searching but don’t want to search no more.
It’s staring you in the face. Embrace it…don’t tell me to go.
Won’t strip you for who you are.
Will make you my centerpiece, my star.
I’ll scream it from the mountaintop,
Telling the entire world
Having you is my mission.
I’m chasing you, chasing love and need your permission.
Looking at you I’m looking at my life,
Seen when I first saw you.

More

Don’t know this feeling that I feel.
I can’t quite explain the things that are going through me.
It simplifies my complexities.
It reaches to the ends of my extremities.
I’m starting to smile and not notice it.
It makes me laugh when I don’t feel like doing it.
I’ve never felt this way, never been in this situation.
I don’t know what to call it, but I know it far surpasses infatuation.
I feel free, from feeling like I was bound.
I’m suddenly so high that I don’t know what it is to be down.
I get tingly in places I didn’t know were there.
Unlike my past, this feeling is causing me to care.
It causes me to do in situations I used to ignore.
It makes me go beyond the standard, to push through for more.
My mind is starting to think more, starting to expand.
My imagination now travels to distant lands.
When did this happen? I don’t know.
What caused its start? I wish I had known.
It’s too late for me to ask, because it’s too late for me to prevent.
At some point, I must have let my guard down and let it penetrate my fortress.
My walls, so strong, are starting to fade.
My defense mechanisms have passed away.
At first, it felt funny. It didn’t feel right.
But, now it has me so addicted, that I think about it through the night.
How? It couldn’t have been complicated.
When? I can’t explain it.
It rid me of that old tired feeling, and I feel restored.
I just know that I’ve never felt it before.
And now that I’ve had it, I want it and need it more.

Euphoria

Tension so thick…can’t cut it.
Forces so strong…can’t be penetrated.
Eyes crossing each other paths…engaging.
Sensing something scintillating, something escalating.
The pinnacle of passion and it’s all about us.
The peak of ecstasy…feel it rushing
From your spirit to mine.
Intellectually, we’re intertwined.
Emotionally, our spirits combined
In the world we’ve created.
Mentally, reach out and capture
Me; pull me into your rapture
And lock the door, leaving me to immerse…
Searching, seeking that special place,
Relinquishing the intensity of desire’s impulses.
Riding the influx of two souls consummating solidarity.
Journeying into the fervor of unity.
Patiently allowing this juncture to reach its flavor,
Letting it savor as we saturate in this euphoria.