If Only I Could

No longer want to be the ‘happy’ I dream to be.
Want to be the ‘happy’ I seem to never be.
If only I could open my eyes & see.
If only I could let go & release.

If only I could believe & achieve…
Achieve what’s due to me…
Break through that wall, achieve the feats.

If only I could reach the creations of my mind,
Step out on them and free my mind.
If only I could….

It’s been wanted ever since childhood.
The moment innocence was stolen.
World no longer golden.

Simply wanted the ‘happy’ I’ve always craved.
It’s just never been MY time.
So in this place I stand;
I no longer can.

If only I could…..

So I embrace sadness as my destiny.
Tonight, I bring its ending.
Life no longer worth living.
Breath…slowly leaving…..

Someday, Some Way

Someday, some way
They will see I’m not who I used to be,
That this thing is bigger than me.
I’ve found Him, and He’s revolutionized me.
My full potential, I now see.
I’ve seen my destiny.
Only goal is to reach His Eternity.

Someday, some way
They’ll understand I had to step out.
Had to take ownership of my life, leaving no doubts.
If I stay, I’m a favorite.
If I leave, I’m a villain.
Accepted when I’m losing.
Hated if I’m winning.
Have to do what’s best for me:
Run this race and achieve.

Someday, some way
They’ll let go of the hate
And see that it doesn’t tear me down…but motivates
Me to reach for places I’ve never been.
One day, maybe, we’ll mend.

Someday, some way
They’ll accept me for me
And comprehend that I decreased
Myself far too long for their increase.
They’ll see that while I pushed them to succeed
Their foot was always on my throat, keeping me from living.

Someday, some way
Somehow it will all be okay.
We can talk again, laugh again.
Maybe they’ll see what He’s done for me
And seek Him…find their own wings,
Take flight,
Find their own light,
And in Him…abide.

Someday, some way.

Frozen

Frozen in time
Viewing the damage left behind…
Left by love’s carnage.
Chaotically, violently
Kidnapping the man I used to be,
Making me oblivious to the dreams that used to be.

Frozen in this moment,
In denial of the torment.
House torn.
Energy almost gone.
Hard to gather the pieces.
Losing grips with my belief.

Frozen in this instance.
No foundation on which to stand.
Arguments but no solutions.
Questions but no answers.
Corruption has spread like cancer.
Confidence is scattered.

Frozen in this moment.
Frozen in this instance.
Frozen in this time.
So much damage left behind.
Never rushed. Tried to be patient.
Now covered with a feeling of anxiousness.
How to turn the tide?
Are we out of time?
Has it reached its ending?
Is there a new beginning?