Abstract Mask

Smile brightly,
Exuding confidence.
Never shaken.
Never rattled.
Fear’s never a factor.
For the man behind the abstract mask.

Stronger than the rest.
Nothing penetrates my fortress.
In storms, I’m the calm.
In confusion, I’m clarity.
For every problem, I have the solution.
That’s what I’ll have you to believe,
Because you only see my abstract mask.

Always there for others,
Lifting them up when they are down…
Being strong when they are weak.
Need no one there for me.
Can do it all by myself
As long as I’m behind my abstract mask.

Loss my dad at a young age.
Relationship with my mom severely damaged.
No one to talk to, to lean on.
No elders to call on.
Have sleepless nights from feeling alone.
Cry from the hurt of those close to me.
This you don’t see,
Because I hide behind my abstract mask.

Frightened by failure.
Wonder if I’ll fulfill my potential.
About my future…what’s my mortality?
Men close to me haven’t sniffed the age of 60!
Scared of what kind of husband I’ll be.
Fearful of what type of father I’ll be.
Maybe I’m scared to let others see my density?
Scared to be great and refine my ability?
These are the questions I ask
Behind my abstract mask.

So I’m chasing God to be the man He created me to be…
Gaining leadership to lead my family,
Gaining courage to overcome my fears,
Gaining strength to stop the tears.
I’m learning to live life with no worries,
Learning to spread my wings & soar through the skies,
Enjoying each present moment & releasing myself from the past.
I’m building a foundation that can last.
And as the sands pass through the hourglass,
I’m learning to let my guard down
And let you see the man behind the abstract mask.

Emotions Unheard Untold

In the mirror, a faded picture.
Unrecognizable reflection…
Pulled from a broken frame.
Heart torn.
Spirit worn.
Hurt…can no longer hide it.
Search for happiness…can’t seem to find it.
Truth is glaring.
Pain piercing
Through my heart, my soul
Unveiling emotions unheard untold.

Listened to her heart.
Heard the stories
Of its damage.
Told her I’ll hold her when she cries,
Be the tissue that wipes her eyes
And show her a new world.
One that she can be the center of,
Where we can thrive and learn
There are no parameters of what we can become.

She embraced the smile I put on her face,
The comfort that drove her fears away,
The support that got her through the rocky days.
Finally had everything she anticipated.
Never thought of reciprocating.
Wanted me to be Number 1…
Treated me as if I was the Last 1.
Her actions fell short and I don’t know the cause.
Now I’m filled with questions.
Was first impression all a façade?

Expressed my issues
Of her harping on historical figures,
Of how her actions didn’t speak the words she spoke,
Of how routine things were obsolete.
Was told it registered.
As soon as love returned,
It was nothing but a rerun,
That’s now developed into a cycle.
Now we’re both trapped.
Murky.
Dark.
Messy.
Chaotic.
Unstable.
Crumbling.
It’s a balancing act.
Maybe it’s all an act.

In the mirror, a faded picture.
Unrecognizable reflection…
Mangled from the broken frame.
Heart torn.
Spirit worn.
Losing the fight for love’s life.
Hurt and can no longer hide it.
Searching for happiness but can’t seem to find it.
Truth is glaring.
Pain piercing
Through my heart, through my soul
Unveiling emotions unheard untold.