Head of Houshold?

He thought he was head of household.
‘I’m a man.’ Started to grow old.
When business needed to be handled, he never did it.
When the yard needed mowing, he never tended to it.
Was lazy on the job. Didn’t care he was about to lose it.
Instead of making sure he paid the bills,
Was only concerned with the size of his rims.
The tables slowly turned and she was the breadwinner.
His thoughts of being a man had no weight.
Became lazy and sorry. Became a quitter.

Trouble entered home and he ignored it.
Trials occurred and he ran from it.
Thought she was just bitching,
Never realizing being the man he thought he was never materialized.
Just another example of bad reaping bad.
And wonders why his son ain’t worth a damn.
Gets mad when his daughters choose the wrong guys.
Talked it.
Was too weak to walk it.
Mouth wrote many checks.
Ass could never cash them.
Wanted the title but wasn’t willing to work for it.
Wanted the name but couldn’t vouch for it.
Didn’t learn that if you have to boisterous, trying to make it known,
The title is not something you own.

Broken

She shivered from hearing the creaking of the door.
Was stripped of her innocence. Knew she would find it no more.
He had been drinking…was out of his mind.
When he entered the room, she knew it was that time
To experience what kept her awake every night.
Her body taken, then taken advantage of.
Being forced to take what no little girl should.
Her mom heard her shriek.
Never bothered to help because it was a ‘secret’.
Anyone would be fooled with the look of her smile.
Not knowing her life was essentially taken with his vicious style.
She knew it wasn’t normal but didn’t know what to do.
So her world stayed bruised, stayed blue.
Self-esteem, it hit rock bottom.
Trying to hold-on to childhood, she didn’t bother.
Could no longer see a future
Because she no longer looked farther.
Life forever damaged by the derangement of her father.

Left or Right?

Standing at a crossroads…path divided.
Left or right? I don’t know.
Either way, I’ll be chided.
I could go left, the easy route….never feel any scorn.
Do what others want me to do…conform.
Falling in line, never dreaming, & never feeling reborn.
When the sky is supposed be my limit,
I find comfort; and my dreams…never pursue them.
Allowing the world to stall my mind,
Separate my thoughts putting them in solitary confinement.
I look to the hills from which cometh my help.
Help can’t find me because I’ve put my light on stealth.

But I choose to go right,
With all my goals in clear sight.
Not many friends around because I chose not to follow the ‘in-crowd’.
In spite of, I still shine my light…
Giving it my all and fighting all the necessary fights.
Sky’s the limit; and I refuse to be in any other place.
The hell with the skies, I’m shooting for outer space.
I’m not greedy. I just never get complacent.
Progression & growth are the only goals
And it’s all about advancement.
If I went the other way, would never be able to forgive
Myself because I never pushed my full potential
Or never paid attention to my conscious, never listened.
Don’t have time for the corrupted nature and abuse of this society.
Don’t have time for the simple, feeble mind.
So I let them hate and roll their eyes,
Let them falsely analyze and criticize.
Say I’ve changed and that I’ve sold out.
Because I refused to settle for less; chose to push for something much more,
Something better in this life we live.

Nice Guy

Will take a night’s walk, showing you sky’s stars,
Letting you know how they’re indicative of what you are.
Go old school, asking you, ‘Do you like me?

Yes, No, or Maybe So…Circle one.'

Intentionally leave you voicemail messages,

Letting you know you’re my #1.
Will love you like I still don’t have you
And love you like I’m scared of losing you…

Like it’s only you in my life and no one else.

The answer to your concerns and cares.

The bravery to your fears.

Now matter how the seasons may change,

I’ll always show you how my love doesn’t stay the same.

Constantly growing, maturing.

Rising higher, enduring.

Satisfying you is my fetish.

What we have, I’ll always cherish.
Treat you like a woman should:
Special…incredible.
In me, there’s no dead chivalry.
Seek me and you will find all it’s meant to be.

But, you went for the hype.
Never wanted the true story.
Didn’t bother to read between the lines to see that it’s all a façade,
Hiding their insecurities…
Masking their idiosyncrasies.
I’m not hating.
I’m just stating
The facts you seem to turn a blind eye
To, while you take the proverbial black eye
To your life, to your self-esteem.
So damaged that you can’t stand.
Always trying to find something on which you can lean
Because you’ve continuously allowed yourself to be exploited,
Falling for the silly ‘game’ when it’s all child’s play and they’re toying
With you and your character.
When you look in the mirror,
You forget the reflection you see is the main factor.
Say you want full-time.
But always gravitate towards part-time.

You get taught the lesson
But never try to do any learning,
Spewing the fuel needed for the cycle to continue.
Maybe that’s why you can’t see the good I try to bring.
I know it’s dark and shallow in there.
So I shine my light to brighten and fill you up…
Trying to show I’m not the same mess-up.
Why can’t you see the obvious?
Put your bags down; let go of the previous.
I’m not a user.
Don’t have a goal of being your conqueror.
You label me ‘nice guy’ like it’s bad.
Push me to the side to chase the trash you’ve always had.
What you say you want is staring you the face.
When you’re exposed to it, you seem to run away.
I’m not gonna chase you…trying to find you.
Fact is, I’m a real man & don’t need you.
Just label me a ‘good guy’.
Get at me when you grow up and want something real in your life.

My Cry

My cry was so loud, but you didn’t hear.
Your mind was over there with him.
But, your shell was right here.
I didn’t realize I had lost you.
Only tried to get your attention.
Just proved to be unsuccessful…
I have to rid myself of this tension.

I heard the rumors.
Trusted you. Thought there was nothing to them.
All the nights you had to ‘work late’,
My thoughts never hesitated.
Looking back, it was around that time
When you started pulling away. You were no longer mine.
Like a fool, I was ignorant to the fact
That you betrayed me.
So cold that you never looked back
To see my torn soul left in pieces.
I don’t know you no more. Don’t know what this is.
Many letdowns, so many broken promises.
Becoming selfish, no more compromises.
Stranger, don’t you hear my wailing?
Does it not bother you that we’re failing?
How could have I have been so stupid, so aloof?
I wish I had never loved you.

In The Gap

I’m stuck in the gap.
Stuck between failure and success
The gap between hate and love;
Hot and cold;
Happy and sad;
Confusion and clarity;
Up and down;
I’m stuck between sunshine and rain,
Second and minute,
Minute and hour,
Moving and being still,
Living and dying,
Depression and gregarious,
Dark and light,
Actually and might,
Stoic and crying.
I’m in that space we sometimes find ourselves in.
You can’t explain it, but you feel it deep within.
You don’t understand the complexity.
Trying hard not to let it overtake me.

I’ve lost my father.
Seems like I’m losing the other too.
At times I feel so lost…
Swear I don’t know what to do.
New status in this world has been attained.
I didn’t want it now. Cancer is the one to blame.
It took a big part of me.
Half-light, half-dark days are all I see.
Since that day, things will never be the same.
Win some, lose some.
And I’ve lost a big one.
Things shifted so dramatically.
Takes everything within me to not question.
It’s a major adjustment.
ONLY by God’s will is my testament.

When It Hit

When it hit, I cried.
After it all happened, I cried.
When the dust settled, it was so much turmoil I could see.
My family had been stripped from me.
Home wasn't home no more.
Mom wasn’t mom no more.
Dad wasn’t dad no more.
I was searching for answers, looking for someone to blame.
This wasn't part of the game.
It got so bad that I was scared to ask
About anything because I didn’t know what I would find.
Mountain peak to valley low,
I knew they were getting bad, just thought they would break through.
I could feel the pain they both felt.
I had so much in me that I kept
All inside because no one cared about me.
Never asked about me and my feelings…
Just poured theirs on me, taking me from feeling to having no feeling.
When it happened, I cried.
When it hit, I cried.
Just that fast,
My life change forever
Never felt so low, so stripped.
Now I'm just trying bounce back and make the best of this.

I Thee Wed

Waking up to you every morning serves as my motivation.
Every second, you encompass my dedication.
When you think I can’t give anymore,
I will find the will to give you more
Until I have life no more.
I’ll go to the ends of the earth
Showing you your worth.
I feel secure as long as you’re near.
When I have just a mere
Thought of you, it sends me racing.
Every part of me, you have taken.
It didn’t take long for me to come to the realization
That you were the one for me. It was an instant revelation.
When you have troubles, I promise to put them at ease.
Without you, I’m lost. It’s like I can’t breathe.
Love, I never knew if I’d find
Until I found you…love epitomized.
I’m honored to call you mine.

My yesterday, today and tomorrow.
My beginning, middle, and end.
My sunrise, my sunset.
My push from good to best.
At night, you’re my starry skies.
You’re the journal where all my secrets hide.
My ocean view at dawn.
When I rise above, you are the cause.
You’re the essence of my imagination.
You’re the calm of my frustrations.
Everything when I have nothing.
My something when I’m nothing.
You’re the reflection of a flower in spring time.
You’re the treasure some search a lifetime and still don’t find.

Today, as we stand in front of friends and family,
Beginning a new chapter to our story,
On the cusp of creating our own history,
I will love, respect, and honor you....
Cherish you for the rest of my days.
So with this ring, I thee wed.
With my heart, I thee wed.
With my soul, I thee wed.
With my life, I thee wed.

Love Touched Me

Love touched me, but I didn’t react.
I felt it but never really did feel it.
It had been so long since it last revealed itself to me.
When it looked me in the eye, I didn’t know what to think.
Maybe when I felt it, it didn’t touch me that deep.
I realized that if love’s going to entrap me,
I need it to be deeper than deep.
I don’t need love to just make me happy.
I need it to see the wounds the world has given me,
See the damage the hurt & pain has brought me,
Notice my trust that’s non-existent.
In my heart’s song, I need it to be my lyrics.
Love, hug me…we haven’t done it in years.
Repair my soul that’s been damaged by my tears.
Perform surgery and fix the wounds.
Show me that you’re real and I can trust you.
Make me come to you because I’m scared.
Open that door. Show me someone truly cares.
I want you…don’t know how to take that step.
If I make mistakes, it’s because I’m trying to make no missteps.
Deeper is the needed frequency.
No more just meeting the status quo.
Give it all to me, even more.
When you touched me, I’m sorry I didn’t react.
I just have to trust that when I get you, you’re not going back.

The Moment

I’m embracing the moment, because the moment is you.
I know he’s created the walls you have.
No matter how tall, I plan to come through.
He damaged you, corrupted you.
He dimmed your light. Now it won’t shine through.
Although you don’t see it,
I see the better part of you.
I’m not asking for love. I just want to know
You, talk to you, let it flow.
How much longer are you gonna suffer?
Let me stand in the gap & be the buffer.
Actually, let me be the destroyer
Of present skepticism,
Erasing past criticisms.
You’re a beautiful butterfly.
Just spread your wings & in my atmosphere, you can fly.
I will take you from downtrodden to sensational.
In me is where you will find the creations of your imagination.
What used to be, you won’t remember.
When you see his face, it’ll be like you have amnesia.
You’ll have no more memories, no more fears
Because I’ve made your house my home,
And a new life, a new world resides here.